hi there...

i'm alive.
i survived my last week in hell.
i'm home.
all my stuff is here.
i am not unpacked.
i am not completely done. i still have a take-home final (to be done tomorrow while pat's watching the celts) and a paper (to be done on monday at some point).
but i'm home.
no more 214.
no more drama.
no more feeling like shit.
no more.
i am very much looking forward to a few weeks without any of my roommates.
there are other people i will miss very much, like alyssa and jill and sarah and riham and ryan, to name a few. but i'll live. the internet is a marvelous thing.

tomorrow i go to pat's. early. and stay until monday morning.
i can't wait.
to lie in his arms.
to sleep next to him, hearing him breathe.
to be able to completely relax.
<3

i swear.
but for now...this is what my blog says most, apparently :-)



from snapshirts.com.
:-)

tomorrow is supposed to be 73 degrees and sunny.
i'm excited.
i had...an interesting weekend. you know about friday.
saturday, slept in, ate brunch, went to CVS, wrote alyssa's senior speech. the girls came back (h and t and s, no a). they had gone to the sex store in northampton. sarah bought me a pen with a naked guy. well, actually, he's got a little speedo on and then you click and it goes away. haha. hayley bought me (and pat too) some chocolate raspberry body topping. it is YUMMY. i can't wait to try it out lol. then we had to go to North Adams, MA (near swagmonkey! but he couldn't come :-( ) to sing at a temple for their celebration of Israel at 60. The drive was long and windy and apparently i make people carsick with my driving skills. suck it up people, or have the guts to say something so i'll slow down. that's all i can say. it was also drizzly/foggy like WHOA. bleh. the temple was so cute, though, and really pretty, and the people were so sweet. there were only 10 of us there (missing 7), and we sang 10 songs, and they wanted more, but we were like, we literally CAN'T sing any more! seriously! sorry! hehe. and they fed us. yummyness. it was really fun, actually. then driving home, the fog was horrible for about 5-10 miles...like legit can't-see-ten-feet-ahead-of-you fog. driving-15-miles-an-hour fog. rt 2 out west is CRAZY. blech. but we got home a little after 10...then...what did i do last night? i didnt do much. just hung out in the room. went to bed 1230ish, didnt fall asleep in a while...
this morning i had to get up wicked early cuz i agreed to set up for the senior ceremony this morning...i cut up vegetables and stuff and my hands smelled like celery for HOURS. EWWWWWW. but pat came early and it was awesome to see him. and my speech for alyssa went really well and everyone said it was really sweet and i was first so it was cool. and the others that i heard were great, and Kolot was ON, and yeah. just being able to touch pat was good. we didnt get any alone time, though, cuz when we went back to the room ari was there doing physics...we watched the celtics and part of the sox game and cuddled on my bed and took a nap that made us late for the movie we wanted to see...we missed the 4:05 showing of Iron Man but hung at the mall and then went to the 5:15 show.
that movie.
is.
FRIKKING.
AWESOME!
seriously, SO GOOD. go see it. please. it's worth your time and money.
and then we went to the hangar for wings and it was good.
and then he had to go. and it was bad.
no me gusta when pat leaves.
:-((((
and now i'm just hanging in the room, watching fight club. yeah. apparently ari is pissed off tonight. i can't wait.
13 days.
13 days.
13 days.
13 days.
..........

see more cute dogs and puppies
i feelz like shit.
several people today have told me i look tired/exhausted/like i'm not feeling good.
in the past two-three weeks three people have told me i look like i've lost weight (wtf? i can't decide if this is really good or really bad...I don't notice anything...)
i think it's the stress.
of my life.
of this room.
of classes.
of not enough sleep.
and all that.
but still.
ugh.
*sleepytimes*

Current Mood: exhausted

16 days
16 days
that's like, two weeks and two days.
well, actually, tis after midnight, so only 15 more days!
15 more days of what, you ask?
-hell.
-roommates. after the 17th, my only roommate until next january will be patrick. and him, i'll take as a roomie anytime :-)
-lack of sleep. well, i would like to think this. but seeing as i'm gonna be getting up at 7 every day during the summer to work, we shall see. i realized today that 8 and 11 year olds dont take naps. do you think i'll be able to convince them to start? lol.
-DC food. although their chicken and their corn bread and their breakfast carbs (especially french toast sticks and banana chocolate chip pancakes) are pretty good.
-DRAMA. i am so sick of drama. can it be over, please?
-immature people. oh wait, i'm working with an 11-yr-old boy this summer. never mind.
-did i mention the drama?
-oh. and classes. only 11 more days of THAT. woooooot. but then i still have finals and papers and shit...
-not seeing my bf when i want to.  he's coming out on sunday. i can't express how much i need to bury my face in his neck. just that.
-ummmmm...drama?
-a bed i need a stool to get into
-no parents. oh wait. that's the GOOD part about school, the part i might actually miss...
-public transportation. oh wait. that's good too.

that's actually thirteen, whaddaya think about that?

i'm tired.
i'm seemingly always tired these days.
tomorrow, i will take a nap. i have decided this.
this weekend=craziness. concerts friday night, saturday night, sunday morning (senior ceremony at hillel, and i also have to give a speech that i havent finished writing yet), and monday night. pat is coming out sunday, as i already said. we're going to see Iron Man! yay.
how many hours are in 15 days? can i start counting now? please?
sometimes, i complain that my life sucks. but at the same time, i know that it really doesn't, it could be SO MUCH WORSE. and then i feel like a crybaby. is there a balance?
my neck hurts from sitting at the computer.
i want to go to sleep, but ari is waiting for her bf to come back. and i still can't sleep with her light on, even with my new and improved curtain, and i'm sure he'll/they'll make noise when he comes back. argh.
i guess i'll put my clothes away that i hung up to dry. and get in bed and read. or something.
but tomorrow, i nap.
i have decided this.
yep.
'night.

Current Mood: tired

it's 215am
i cant sleep
i have  heartburn (who knows why...i just took some tums tho)
my head is spinning .
this
is
no
bueno.
:-(((((((

stolen from qcjeph
1. My username is _____ because ____

shainamaydel--shaina=pretty, maydel=girl...shaina is also my name (durr) and i have at times been called a shaina maydel, so i like it.

2. My name is _____ because ______.

Shaina, as i've already said...i was named after my great-grandma Sadie, and my name was almost Sadie but my dad didn't like it. so they picked shaina randomly. My middle name is Elise, which i'm pretty sure is after my great-grandma ellen or something. Haber...i dunno. it used to be Haberman. it's probably german, but i don't really know much about my dad's side of the family.

3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

hi there...because that's what i'm doing when i post, i'm saying hi! look at me! i posted! :-)

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

friends are awesome. because, well, um, they are!

5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

Me and the boyfriend...because it's a cute picture and i love my boyfriend and i love the happiness on our faces in the pic (taken around new years' if i remember correctly, or maybe christmas). even if his head IS cut off a bit...you can still see the happy. <3

Current Mood: indescribable

i think i had a dream about alfred hitchcock...last night? recently, i know. i think it took place in west acton. hm.
how strange.

i am...not so happy right now. i had a sort-of fight with hayley. i dont even know. that friendship is just so weird sometimes.
last night was fun though. most of it, anyways.
and passover's over. i had my bagel tonight. it was awesome.
and tomorrow starts the third-to-last week of school. 20 days til i go home.
and next weekend pat's coming. i need to be held by him more than i can express in words. it's just so much.
but in the meantime...i need to go make a to-do list. cuz i think i have a lot to do. hm.

blargh.
the 20 days can't go fast enough.

Current Mood: cranky

know what i hate?
New Dirt.
that's the UMass equivalent of the Big Dig. construction. all. the. time.
know why i hate it?
BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP. all. fucking. morning.
what the hell can you be doing, o construction workers, that requires one of your trucks to be backing up almost constantly and making one of the most annoying noises in the world, which very effectively wakes me up and KEEPS me up even if, like yesterday, i dont HAVE to get up.
it's fucking annoying.
i hate it.
i want to write a letter of complaint. i dunno to whom.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

Current Mood: angry

ROARRR!!!!!!!
I WANT TO GO HOME!
I WANT SCHOOL TO BE OVER!!!
I HATE PASSOVER!!!!
I WANT A BAGEL!!!!!

:-(

Current Mood: aggravated

and look what else i found: http://kevan.org/johari?view=Shainala
do it, ok? it's cool.
so. news.
i have a single room in Sylvan for next year. yes, sylvan. fucking housing is all fucked up this year and my priority was apparently shit because all of the singles in Northeast AND Central were already full. the hope i have is that somebody in NE will cancel their housing (ie if they get an apt or an RA job) and i'll be able to switch into a northeast or perhaps lower central dorm. we shall see. but for now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with sylvan, i'm in a suite. five rooms, two singles, three doubles, plus a common area and a bathroom with two stalls and a shower. not a bad deal, although they're kinda small and grungy, and the beds (as i remember them--cory lived there last year) are not anywhere near as good as ours here in Knowlton, and apparently the walls are thin...but i'm in the corner of the building, so i am only sharing walls with suitemates...and hopefully, if i DO get stuck there, my suitemates wont be people who like having their music or TV blaring until 3am. we shall see. i just....REALLY wanted a single, and didnt want to risk a random double just to get into Johnson (the all girls dorm next year).
other news, i signed up for classes on monday. want my schedule? it's slightly nuts.

Current Mood: lonely

see more crazy cat pics

so i was procrastinating as usual, going through my old old old (circa 2004) xanga entries (xanga.com, a similar but much simpler blogging site than LJ), and i found this.

Top Ten Reasons to Date An A Cappella Singer:
1. We never need to use any instruments.
2. We know how to work together to make great sounds.
3. We can perform several times in one night, and we're always switching positions.
4. We'll do anything to please a crowd.
5. Even if one of us speeds up or slows down, we can all match our rhythm.
6. We know how to work the lips, the teeth, and the tip of the tongue.
7.  We can do all the newest styles, but we know the old classics just as well.
8. We do it high, low, fast, slow, and everywhere in between.
9. Warming up is our favorite part of a performance.
10. We feel where the holes are, and we fill them in.

i love it!!!!!!!
wow, my life back then was so simple. reading about classes, and driving lessons, and zomg i drove on the highway! and zomg miriam needs to call me! and zomg i love my friends so much! ...wow.
can i go back to then? and just bring a few people along? or somehow work it so that i met pat back in highschool and we could've dated then. i cannot tell you how much i craved a boyfriend in highschool. it wasn't fair. i was just as pretty as i am today, just as smart, just as everything. a little less mature, but still. i guess i just wasnt exposed to the kind of boys who liked me for me, i had to wait til i moved away from home to do that. lame, Acton, LAME.
*le sigh*

yay red sox are winning by mucho!!!!

Current Mood: calm

days until i get out of this place.
is it just me, or has this semester been WAY TOO FUCKING LONG???? i swear, last semester seemed a lot shorter. this semester, i can't wait for it to be over. it's just been nonstop ups and downs and ups and downs and fights and happiness and bitchyness and sickness and sickness and more sickness and loneliness and fights and work and not enough sleep and concerts and drama and drama and oh did i mention DRAMA???? and kisses and new experiences and new doubts and new love and new enemies and so much more. and...
i'm tired. since it's thursday (almost), i'll list precisely 13 things of which i am tired.
1.i'm tired of it all.
2.i'm tired of waking up not knowing how my roommates will be feeling towards me on any given day at any given time.
3.i'm tired of not being in control of how much sleep i get, and falling asleep in classes i like.
4.i'm tired of not being respected by people i respect.
5.i'm tired of not being able to see the man i love more often.
6.i'm tired of the weather.
7.i'm tired of classes.
8.i'm tired of people being sick, mentally and physically, and not being able to help.
9.i'm tired of trying not to hurt anybody's feelings.
10.i'm tired of dorm toilet paper.
11.i'm tired of doubts.
12.i'm tired of being happy one day and miserable the next.
13.i'm tired of not having my own space.
i'm just so sick and tired.
yes, there are good days. i said there were ups.  like this weekend, as squee'd about in my last post. and last weekend too, when i had fun hayley time at the barn and at the eric carle museum. and the few days where we've had fun in the room.
don't get me wrong. i'm not about to drop out of school or commit suicide or anything.
i'm just...DONE. it's like senior year of high school after you've been accepted to college. i feel no motivation to do anything. all i want to do is go home, sleep in my own bed, laze around all day, see some old friends perhaps. spend a weekend or two in a row at pat's, sleeping in his arms and waking up to gaze into his big blue eyes. enjoy the quiet. take a walk around my neighborhood. play the piano. sing with the adult choir. play with my babies. drive around the streets i know like the back of my hand.
dammit, i'm making myself cry.
it's just one of those nights. i have papers due friday and tuesday, and i have no motivation to start either. i've been on the computer since i got back to my room at 9:10, and i'm frikkin' bored. ari's asleep, hayley's at tara's (surprise, surprise). my boyfriend's moving his furniture around. my neck hurts. i want cuddles. i want kisses. i want a life.
ok, enough depression. i'm sure i'll be fine. 38 days isn't really that much at all...and at least one of those weekends i'll be home, for passover. which will be a nice break. i just sat down to write and this is what happened. k?
i love you.

Current Mood: contemplative

so. can i just say, best weekend ever?
friday night, hillel, fun. whatevs. playing scattergories, giving massages, hanging out after. fun.
saturday afternoon hillel again, then shower and out with sarah and hayley to get our nails done! then to tara's to get ready...
7:00 saturday: PAT SHOWS UP! looking mighty fine in his suit, with THE coolest hat in the world. hottness. we all rushed around like chickens with our heads cut off getting ready, doing makeup, etc. then we split up so i could go pick up tyler and we met at the buses to go to the formal! the formal was amazing. we danced our asses off, kissed on the dance floor, had drinks and food, pat met a lot of my friends (who all loved him, of course, and were like "zomg shaina you're so cute together!")...and yeah.

we are pretty frikkin' cute, huh? i love this picture of us.
the dance ended at 1. we got home a little before 2. we went to sleep at 4:15. i will let you imagine for yourself what those two hours were.
i got very little sleep. i got up at 12, cuz i was awake. i let him sleep til 12:45, but we had to shower and i was frikkin hungry. we didnt actually get to the dc until like 2...then back to the room to watch the sox game until we had to go to my 5-months/new job/i love you surprise for pat: an hour in a hot tub at a spa in amherst. it was...freaking HOT. in more ways than one. we sweated our asses off and i got kinda dehydrated, but it was sooo relaxing and sooo bonding and sooo special and soooo worth every frikkin' cent. he loved it. and so did i. we came back to the room, napped a little, i called my mom, we went to dinner, and then to riham's room to "study". pat played on his gameboy most of the time. riham has ADD. we did very little studying. hence, i lost at least ten points on the test today. oh well. then back to the room, hung out, whatevs. slept eventually. oh, and...the three little words were exchanged, for the first time, really. i...i just needed to say it. I love him. I could not miss him this much, i could not do what i've done with him, i could not find such sheer pleasure just from being in the same room as him, if I didn't. finally saying it to him...was the most amazing thing. hearing him say it back, with his voice practically shaking...i don't think i'll ever forget it.
this morning, got up after some cuddling (i actually slept! with another person in one of these skinny dorm beds! i'm so proud of myself!), had breakfast with cory, went to classes. pat went to see the baby goats and took a shower and stuff while i was in class trying not to fall asleep or run out and jump into his arms. it felt so wrong to be without him after being together almost constantly since saturday night. i booked it out of Hebrew to do just that...cuddled in bed until i had to go to my test. which i did not fail. but he left. and i was so sad. and i still am. my bed is lonely and cold. my heart hurts. my stomach hurts. my eyes burn with tears. yeah, i'm a sap. it'll get easier in a few days, and i'll see him in under two weeks for passover...but still. it needs to be summer. i can't reiterate that enough.
k, enough with the sappiness. i'm not tired. i'm bored. i have nothing i want to do except be with him and that can't happen. :-(
maybe i'll go read something. hmm...
<3

Current Mood: loved

 so i'll put up my florida ditl. only like two weeks too late...

Current Mood: drained

i havent written in over a week.
i'm sorry.
a lot of what is going on in my head right now is not something i should share. even f-locked, because one of the people i want to write about is my LJ friend. so no.
and i keep meaning to post on the rest of my florida trip, but i keep forgetting. i did  a DiTL of that wednesday, i'll post it soon, i promise. today was another DiTL day but i decided not to. not an interesting enough day. maybe next friday, i'll do it again...dunno.
now i need to get dressed (was just in the shower) and go to dinner with my friends. yay.
blargh.
april 5th needs to get here, like, now. i need my boy, in fancy duds. i need to dress up and look pretty and dance the night away and yeah. and then spend the night in his arms and the whole next day together.
oh, btw, he got a new job! with Enterprise. the car-rental ppl. it's an important job. management i think. he starts in a few weeks. i am uber uber happy for him, except for one thing. the hours. 7:00m-6:30pm. every day. he's gonna be so tired all the time. no me gusta. :-/

anyways. i'll try and post more later on. promise.
<3

Current Mood: discontent

i had about five seconds to write my last post. so now, for more details.

friday night, we went to Jaime's concert in Worcester. the Brown Derbies came. it was AMAZING. i got great videos. we missed Shabbat Shirah, but oh well.

saturday was traveling day. got up at 7, showered, ate, finished packing. out of the house by 8:30. plane from manchester at 11:15. got to baltimore around 12:20 i think. had an hour and a half-ish. i compromised my morals and got a happy meal, something i haven't done in the US since 8th grade. i just couldn't resist. i got a cool toy anyways :-) then a plane to west palm beach. got there around 4. got our luggage, then went outside into the NINETY DEGREE WEATHER to wait for a bus to the train station. it came a little after 5, and then we had to wait til after 6 for the train to Delray. finally got to delray and then grandma and grandpa picked us up.
it. is. so. freaking. HOT. here.
i could go outside in bare feet right now and be ok. pat called me last night and i went outside for privacy and sat under the stars and talked to him. heaven, except for the part where he's hundreds of miles away :-(
today we had a lazy morning, then headed to do some grocery shopping, thennnnn mom, gma and i went to the pool. mom and i swam for about 45 minutes then had a half-hour nap in the sun. it was amazing. i got a little red on my arms but managed not to burn too bad. however, over the course of our time at the pool no less than four floridians came up to me and commented on how white i am and how i should be really careful not to burn. one guy even came up to me in the pool and was like, "you have the distinct honor of being the whitest person in florida" or something along that line. lol. i kind of like the distinction of my white skin. they make so many self-tanners and such, and my mom has tried to get me to use them, but y'know? i like it. i like being so pale i pretty much glow in the sun and could use my tummy to signal a rescue plane if i was stuck on a desert island (my brother's idea, actually). nothing against tanned people, but that's just not me. i am pale and proud of it!
anywho. we got back home, mom and i showered, then we went to see my great-aunt Ann. she's a cool lady and her house is awesome, and she fed us chocolates. and i got to talk to pat again. yey.
then there was dinner and stuff. i ate sweet potato. yay.
now it's reading/scrabble time. i beat my grandma and dad in scrabble earlier. woot. go me. now dad's losing terribly to his parents, hehee.

one of my favorite things about florida is the little lizards everywhere. geckos or whatever they are. i want a gecko.

i think i would go crazy if i lived here. all the little condos that look exactly the same outside, all the old people driving like maniacs, all the sitting around or doing the same thing every day. it's nice for a vacation, but seriously. without something actually productive to do, i think i'd rather die. no moving down here when i retire for me. i'm moving to israel. yeah.

that's about it. i miss my boyfriend like CRAZY (it's always the worst right after i've seen him...) and having people my own age to hang out with. i kind of miss having a schedule. i miss having a real bed and my own room (i'm sleeping on the couch in the living room). my grandparents and my father drive me nutso. but seriously, for 85 degree weather in the middle of march, i think i'll suck it up ;-)

oh, and, happy st paddy's day! don't get too crunk, be safe, have fun.

<3

Current Location: delray beach, fl

i'm going swimming.

SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAS.


miss you boy <3